Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Tired of the Fight

I have been working on this entry for almost two weeks.  How could it possibly take that long to write one little blog?  That's an easy one.  I spent so much time trying to write what I wanted to say in a way that wasn't putting myself on the poor me train and trying not to offend people who say think I complain too much.

I have an autoimmune disease.  I have good days, I have bad days, I have horrible days.  I have all kinds of medical craziness that is sometimes side effects from medications and sometimes it's my RA playing games.  I spend most of my day trying to be a normal 30-something except I'm not.  I am not able to work from my RA.  I lose the ability to get out of my own head.  I can make plans with someone and need to cancel at the last minute because I might not be able to do what they want due to walking or I will go and push myself so far that I will be out of commission for a week. 

Fighting my RA is a long drawn out war.  On occasion, I will win a battle or two.  For the most part it's not a war I am not winning no matter how hard I fight.  What some seem as complaining it me being tired of the fight.  Today I am exhausted from the fight.

On top of my RA, right now I am having an issue that has caused me to lose a portion of my vision and pressure feeling headaches almost constantly.  I know what it is and am on another medicine trying to fix it without surgery but odds are I will need surgery.  I have also had an issue with coughing up small amounts of blood for a month and they can't even figure out where it's coming from much less how to fix it.

The constant adding on of issues, one problem causing another, random things happening...these are why I get tired.  My issues are small compared to other people but for me they become overwhelming at times.  So before you call me lazy, or tell me I'm too young to have these things or tell me to get a job...take a minute to try to understand what i am going through that day.

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