Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Another Day, Another Appointment

I hate doctors! 

Okay now that I've said that, I don't necessarily hate doctors.  I hate the time put in to get someone who either can figure out what is wrong when something is or doesn't just chalk it up to my RA and say oh well.

For anyone who doesn't know, during my March hospital stay I started having episodes of losing feeling in half my body which cause me to fall...a lot.  Multiple MRIs and scans have said there is nothing wrong.  So everyone's answer is there is nothing wrong that we can fix.  In fact I had a psych evaluation while in the hospital and he said it wasn't a problem on his end either. 

My primary decided that I was going to keep going to the same people who say nothing is wrong until someone fixes something.  That is so much easier for her to say then it was was me to do.  It is very hard to not be frustrated when everyone says it's not my department, my tests say you are fine constantly.  I began to walk into appointments knowing that they were going to say nothing is wrong.

The past few months have reminded me of the three years of testing and doctors before I was diagnosed with RA.  Every doctor's appointment makes me more frustrated and actually make me think that maybe I am just losing my mind.

The past three months have been full of doctor's making me literally think I'm losing it.  There was one save in the bunch.  The cardiologist and I had an interesting conversation on my last visit a couple weeks ago.  He told me that he knows I'm frustrated with him and I will get more frustrated before I like him again.  He also says we are going to become best friends this time around.

Today I had another doctor who actually made me feel like he believed that there was something wrong with me.  The craziest part of this doctor isn't that it took 5 weeks to see him becuase they kept changing appointments but that I almost didn't get referred to him at all.  Only because I pressed for someone to find an answer to why I keep losing feeling did I even get the referral.

It's hard to explain the relief I felt in this appointment that I didn't have with other appointments.  Before he even said anything, there was a tiny bit of hope that maybe he could figure something out.  After a lot of talking and a doctor saying he could see the slight differences on the side that I lose feeling in, we talked about a course of action together.  I wasn't just handed a prescription and sent on my way. 

I liked this doctor so much that the fact that his treatment plan involves an inpatient stay in a seizure center to be monitored didn't bother me.  Okay it bothers me, but I didn't give him the look of death that I normally give doctors when they try to suggest the hospital. 

For the first time since leaving the hospital, I feel like I have hope at finding and answer with a doctor.

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